Enjoying Home

So I am finally feeling like I am getting settled in our new home.  With Caleb's birthday now done and over, I feel like taking a deep breath and just finally living in our home.  Yes, there are still many projects to tackle, like finishing Soren's wallpaper (we did half the room), painting our master bedroom, changing door hardware throughout (every room has a different finish of hardware), making the guest bedroom feel like a guest bedroom, changing the toilet in our room (it's old), and so on.   Let's face it every home has a list like this right?

I've also had time to do what I love to do...organize!  I had found some really great ideas on Pinterest, and figured the best way to start is with the pantry.  I found chalkboard contact paper (which I am now obsessed with).  I decided to buy some mason jars in bulk from Amazon, and Martha Stewart for Staples Jar Labels.  And this is what I came up with.

As you can see I also created a grocery list to write the things I need, and when it's full I snap a picture of it a with my phone and off I go.
I also labeled the drawers so that family members know exactly where everything is.  How many times has your husband or kids asked where is...?

I also used the mason jars to to store all of my types of oats and flours.  Being that John is Gluten Free I have to carry 8-10 flours in my pantry at all times in order to create baked goods or meals.  This is an easy way to organize it all!

And let me just say that every time I open my pantry it makes me happy :)

Caleb's 1st Birthday

So we finally made it!!  Our little one turned one last week and after learning from my mistakes of Soren's 1st birthday, I was bound to make this as stress free as possible.

Nearly 4 years ago, I was so excited for my boy's 1st birthday.  Soren had had such a tough start in life that celebrating his first birthday was just a miracle beyond our beliefs.  So of course, I decided to throw a huge party at our home to celebrate this momentous occasion.   I started planning several months in advance and wanted everything to be perfect.

But...shortly before Soren's birthday I came down with shingles.  Yes, at 27 I broke out in shingles.  Now why, you ask and how, does a 27 years break out into shingles when the average age range of shingles is 55?  Well it was because of stress.  I stressed myself out so bad with party planning, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas (Soren's birthday is December 7), and  with everything we had been through to get Soren to his 1st birthday, my body just could not keep up.   I had gotten myself so worked up over silly things that my system just said ENOUGH!

So needless to say for Caleb's birthday I tried to keep myself as calm and relaxed as possible.  I decided to to do at the park (so that I wouldn't have to stress out about my house getting dirty). I also planned way in advance making a lot of the decorations on my computer and ordering the cake and bouncer way in advance.

The day of the party had come and I realized something, it was all done.  i allowed family to help me put this together and thanks to my aunt, cousin, sister and mother-in-law the party was a huge success.  Not only because the party was a lot of fun for kids and adults but that I was able to stay relatively calm throughout the whole thing.  Yes, I had my moments of panic when it came to finding circus animal crackers at the last minute for the goody bags, but I got through it without tears (yes, folks that's how bad I used to be).

And if I could...I have to say the biggest reason for my calmness is that I realized after shingles what was really important in my life.  It wasn't the parties or how clean my house was or is, but that I focus on what blessings God has provided to John and I in our lives.  I realize that every day I trust The Lord more knowing that I will give back my children to Him (hopefully).

So remember, it really isn't about how clean your house is or how extravagant the party, it's about what you have been blessed with!

The birthday boy!

Our circus themed birthday party!

The fabulous banner Grammy made

Yes the Caleb part of the sign is off center, but really who cares in the end?

Our balloon man and our homemade bean bag toss.

Trying to do it all at Once

So I obviously haven't been blogging much lately because of moving.  And it's funny, I really didn't think that moving was going to be such an ordeal!  I thought that since we were downsizing it would be so much easier, but in all honesty I really think it's a lot harder.  When we unloaded our boxes it was shameful how much 'stuff' we had accumulated.  I felt like I was in an episode of 'Hoarders: Buried Alive.'  I just felt like the boxes were creeping closer and closer to me.

But I was strong, I could get through this...if I had a baby who just didn't like to sleep then I could get through this.

I was quick to make a mental chart on tackling boxes by room.  I started with the kitchen, because we needed to be able to eat and drink.  And I knew it would be the most challenging.  I have to say I hated unpacking the kitchen. And if I could I would get rid of all the tupperware (plasticwear) because there was not good way to store it.

Here's a look at the kitchen before and after:

Before

After

We did a lot of work on the kitchen, we managed to paint all the cabinets, add the subway backsplash, and new counter tops.  Here's a photo of what it came out like.

Next, was the master bedroom, because I knew I would need a place of peace and quiet when the boxes would overwhelm me.  I managed to cut through most of the master bedroom when I realized that John and I had way too many clothes.  Clothes that we looked at both and shook our heads.  It really was quite sad. So we started to place clothes we would not wear into boxes and said we would have a garage sale.  Which we did.

After the master bedroom was Caleb's nursery.  I have felt so bad for so long that this poor child hasn't had a place of his own.  Poor Caleb has just been schlepped from room to room.  Now you're probably thinking, why wouldn't I feel bad for my older boy, Soren?  Well Soren from day one has had 3 separate rooms, one at Grammy's house, one at Grandma's house and our home.  So when we stayed with my mother-in-law Soren felt at home, when we stayed with my parents he felt at home.  In fact, Soren was wondering why we needed to move into a new house.  But Caleb, he was just taken from pack and play to another.  So getting Caleb situated was very therapeutic for both of us.  He now only wakes once a night and actually takes a 2.5 hour morning nap!!  (We've made major progress).

After Caleb's room was Soren's, he decided he wanted a robot science room.  Who am I to deny his theme :)  So I managed to clear out boxes of toys and place them in bins until we found the right toy storage for his room.  But I was able to find some really cool Science wallpaper from York, and some vintage robot posters to hang.  Ikea happened to have the best storage for toys at a reasonable price.  Hopefully he can manage to keep the toys put away.

Then downstairs...

Before

After

I will post some more photos soon....so check back in a week or so and I should have them up. :)

Food for Thought...

So this is kind of a random post...I don't tend to talk about home remedies and such (though I am a big believer in natural practices).  But I thought I would share how great Manuka Honey is.

When John and I went to Australia, Fiji, and New Zealand for our Honeymoon (10 years ago) we were exposed to Active Manuka Honey in New Zealand.  We were young and didn't really care about it, but we brought back 2 large jars of the honey.  Needless to say I gave one to my mom who didn't know too much about it then.  Fast forward 10 years later and my mom now swears by it (my sister too).

In these months that we have been living with my parents Manuka Honey has been our go to remedy.  We use it for indigestion, sore throats, cold sores, small cuts, and in my mother's case preventing cancer from coming back.

Here are a couple of websites if you want to read for yourself:
http://www.manukahoney.com/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/187830-the-health-benefits-of-new-zealand-manuka-honey/
 http://www.manukahoney.org.nz/

A couple of weeks ago I had really bad indigestion and my mom asked me to take a teaspoon full of the honey, and in about 20 minutes I felt so much better!  It just got rid of the grossness.

So there's my 2 cents for today.  I'm no doctor but with the research I've read and the results I've received I think it's definitely worth taking a look into.  My personal opinion is if I can heal something without chemicals then why not??

The House Before

So I had said that I would begin to show some photos of our home as we transform it.  But before I do that I thought I would put some of the original real estate photos of what the house looked like before.  It was nice, but I am the type of person who needs to make a home mine.  It needs the Tanya touch :)  So its a great house and I'm really excited to move in.

So remember these are all the 'Before' photos

The Master Bedroom

The boys room

The Family/Dining Room

The Kitchen

Family Room

So hopefully, in a week or so I will post photos of the progress :)  We decided to paint, put new floors in, and update the kitchen.  

It's a really cute house and I am so excited for the boys because our neighborhood is filled with kids their age.

Spending Time With Mom

For those of you who didn't know we have been living with our parents for the past 6 months. Many of you may be thinking how on earth can you handle that? Others can even imagine one night with their parents let alone 6 months. Well in all honestly it hasn't been terrible. Just like any family dynamic it has its challenges. Privacy is at a minimum and my children have gotten spoiled, but the positives have outweighed the negatives.
For one, Caleb has been my challenge. He just doesn't like to sleep, he averages only 6 hours and still wakes up every 3 hours or so, so in the morning my mom lets me sleep an extra half hour or so and she takes him in the morning. And it does make it possible for John and I to get a date night in every so often.
But I think what has really been amazing for me is the quality time with my mother. Now that I myself, am a mother I feel as though I have a much different connection with my mom. And she feels the same way. We talk about her life as a child in Iran and as a teenager. We talk about why she chose certain parenting techniques over others. We talk about my children's futures and life may be like for them when they grow up. And we talk about faith and religion.

Some of you may know that my mom was born a Muslim, but never really a devout Muslim, she married a Christian for one thing. And when I became a Christian in high school, she was actually really happy for me. We never talked about it a whole lot but she would go to Easter and Christmas service with me. But ever since Soren (our miracle baby) came home she knew that my faith in Christ was much more strong. I now attended church every week and John and I joined a small group (which my mom sat in a few times) and we became very close without Pastor and his wife. We were quote unquote Practicing Christians. And if that weren't enough I also started working at our Church as their Office Manager/Design Consultant. You would think that there would be difficult to have conversations with my mom at this point about God; but I have to say that there was a reason that God sold our home so quickly and had to stay with my parents. I think it was to have the deep conversations we have been having about God and Christianity.

These past months have allowed us as mother and daughter to really talk about some deep issues. To really open up and talk about God. My prayer would be for my mom to make the decision to ask Christ into her heart and maybe this is just the beginning...

Though it hasn't always been easy I am thankful to God for this time to gain a much more special relationship with my mother.

So thank you God!

Getting Ready

I am starting to get extremely excited about moving into our new home.  We get our keys tomorrow and we go right into taking carpets out, painting and installing our new flooring.  It's all kind of excitement for me.  I just love getting my creative juices flowing to design, diy, and decor my heart out.

I am so thankful to my husband for going with some of my crazy ideas and being the handy man he is creating shelving, moulding, plumbing, etc.

But this is also a time to remember that God is the one who provided this home for us.  We believe he led us to this home to downsize and remember what's really important in our lives.

I also look forward to finding a new home Church.  One where we can use our gifts to help the Lord.

In case anyone is interested here are some of ideas for the new home...a lot of it just diy work...
Here's the wallpaper I'm using for an accent wall in our living room.

I would like to find a rug like this on the cheap...still looking

This will be our new couch from IKEA






So as you can see I'm going for a gray toned living room.  I will be adding chartreuse accents throughout.  I already have a large coffee table that is also a storage chest that I will be sanding and refinishing.  Check back soon to see what it looks like.  I also have an existing dining room set that I will be re-purposing as well as side tables.  Really excited to reuse what I already have in a new way, whether it's re-staining, or relocating.

I will try and post photos as I go along to show you before and after looks.

Post Valentines' Recap

Its funny how when you are a couple before children how easy it is to spend time together.  You make plans and go.  But it gets a little more tricky when you have a child.  When Soren was born we decided that we would really need to make the effort to spend time together.  Because it was no longer a matter of convenience, it would have to be intentional and an effort.  Now that we have 2 children it's even more of an effort than before.

After taking the Love Language quiz it was obvious that my love language is quality time and my husband's affirmation.  So in order for me to feel fulfilled in my relationship I need to have quality time with my husband.  But it's not easy.  We are fortunate to have wonderful parents who help us out to achieve our outings.

So this Valentines' John and decided to take us out for the afternoon and evening.  On Wednesday  I dropped our oldest with my mother-in-law.  But we made it fun, Soren and I took the train which was so exciting for him.  And my mom offered to watch Caleb (our little one).

We managed to take an hour drive and go to San Diego where we just enjoyed each other's company.

I manage to urge all parents to try to connect with each other.  It's so easy to get distracted with all the activities, commitments, engagements, and children.  Spend time together, without children.  I find that when John and I manage to spend quality time together we are just a happier couple, which then makes me a happier mommy and a happier daughter.

I hope all of you had a great Valentines'!

From Dream Home to Practical Home

Back in 2008, John and I found the perfect family home.  In a suburb of Los Angeles, Glendale, we found a perfect 3 bedroom home built in 1929.  Character everywhere.  For the Interior Designer it was a dream come true.  For a contractor it was a dream come true.  For John and I it marked all of the qualities we wanted in a home.

Albeit the home was not move in ready.  Far from it.  This home needed a new kitchen and master bathroom.  With that said we would have to move the stairs in order to achieve the new kitchen.  Day and night John worked long hours at work to come home and work long hours on the house.  I was 5 months pregnant and staring at an entryway with plywood floors, no stairs, and a giant structural beam in the kitchen.  Trust me, there were days where I thought we bit off more than we could chew.  The funny thing is that it wasn’t the construction that caused us to bite off too much of, it was the cost of the home itself.

When we purchased the home I was working full time for a Southern California General Contractor, making a very good income.  My husband was on the up and up at his General Contracting company.  Together we were making a very comfortable income.  

Then our first son, Soren was born, our gift from God.  Soren was born only 3 weeks early but suffered from Pulmonary Hypertension and Respiratory Distress.  In other words, he couldn't breath.  His lungs were underdeveloped and was rushed off to NICU.  On day 2 the staff told us that if we believe in God to pray because our child was the sickest baby in the NICU.  Well pray we did, our Pastor drove from Oceanside to Cedars Sinai in Los Angeles.  There we all prayed for Soren to recover.  That night John and I sat in our hotel room by the hospital and prayed, and prayed we asked that if it was God’s will to take our child then to take him peacefully and to give us the strength to cope with the loss.  But it would be our deepest prayer for you God to save him and bring him to recovery.  Well that next morning the neonatologist came to us and said. ‘I’m not sure what happened last night but Soren has made a turn for the better.’  We knew right then there that God was there and answered our prayer.  It was approximately 2.5 weeks later that the neonatologist asked us if we were ready to take Soren home.  Really?  On Christmas Eve?  And that we did.  Soren came home on Christmas Eve 2008.

The reason I brought this story up related to our family home was that, we had no idea how much Soren’s medical bills would cost us.  Just one bill alone (his visit in NICU) came to $697,000.  Now granted we had insurance, but it didn’t cover the entire sum.  That next year, Soren was in and out of the hospital at least two dozen times.  Twice staying for over a week.  In 2009 we owed somewhere between $60,000-80,000.  As a couple we had not planned on these expenses.  And with the home expenses we just ate our savings.

So in 2010 we completed our remodel and realized that with me not working, we would have to scrounge to live in our home.  We became…house poor…

We loved our home very much, but you know, both John and I believe that we treated our home as an idol.  We cared more about our home than the Lord.

So in August of 2012, when our last dollar was gone from or savings, we decided to sell the house.  And you know what’s funny?  We prayed that night.  We prayed that if it was God’s will for our home to be sold that it be sold quickly.  And what happened on the Friday the listing went on the MLS?  A celebrity bought our home cash on that Monday and asked if we could be out in 8 days.  Don’t ask God a question if you are not prepared for the answer.  And the other comical aspect…our house sold for $1 less than what we paid for it.  Both John and I felt that that was God confirming that we treated the home like an idol.

Many thirty somethings don’t get their dream home.  We did, and we lost it.  But that’s okay, we had a taste of it, and the taste was nice but in the end it was not worth all the effort.  So today, we are downsizing.  We are making life simpler.  We are focusing on our children, not about the stuff.  We want our kids to know that mom and dad love them more than the stuff.

As a high school friend of mine said on her blog:"the memories we want our kids to have, we create.  We don't let it slip by. We make the memories we want them to grow old with. http://leslieautumn.blogspot.com/

So we are getting ready to embark on our new home in Aliso Viejo.  A much more modest home, but a home that we can add memories to and a place for our children to grow with other kids.  It is a beautiful home and we are so excited for this new chapter!

Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

God Does Listen

It is amazing that if you just shut your mouth sometimes and listen, that God speaks directly to you.  After my post early this morning I felt discouraged and defeated, but this afternoon while trying to figure out how to make my blog look pretty.  I was glancing at some others.  I came across one called Every Day Miracles.  There I was reading Wendi’s blog when I happen to look off to the corner to see a picture of a baby in an incubator.  And underneath it said ‘JD: In our lives for 10 days.  Changed our lives forever.  Dancing with Jesus.’  I lost it and broke down and cried.  I heard Jesus at that moment saying. ‘Tanya, see you really don’t have it all that bad.  Relax and give me your burdens.’ 

http://miraculouschaos.blogspot.com/

And if that wasn’t enough, I was driving with Caleb this afternoon to Lifeway Christian Bookstore and I was listening to a sermon by Greg Laurie.  He had a guest speaker,  Pastor Levi Lusko.  He had lost his 5 year old daughter, Lenya, 5 days before Christmas, suddenly with an asthma attack.

  

http://levilusko.com/topics/family 

Again I heard Jesus say ‘see Tanya, again, be thankful that your son is healthy.  Trust in me, know that I will not leave you.’ 

I find it amazing that through great difficulties, if we open our ears and our hearts, we will hear God speaking to us.

And on the drive home I was listening to Pastor Mark Ambrose http://www.pacificcoastchurch.org/GrowInChrist/SermonArchive.php talking about marching in line walking towards Jesus.  And he was discussing James 5:13 ‘Are any of you suffering hardships?  You should pray. Are any of you happy?  You should sing praises (NLT).  My response. ‘Okay God, I hear you loud and clear!’  I will continue to pray and know that you are listening.

It is times like this afternoon, where I am lifted and strengthened and rejuvenated by the Lord.

Thank you Jesus.

Sleepless Nights

It’s after midnight and it seems to be the only time right now where I get about (dare I say it) 2 hours of quiet.  I’m struggling right now, my faith is being tested.  I desperately want to say I’m fine and doing well, but in reality I’m falling to pieces.  I have an 8 month old son who is an angel during the day, but at night, it’s a different story.  He doesn’t sleep.  What sleep he does rounds off to about 5-7 hours from 8:00 pm-8:00 am.  I have been to 3 doctors telling me things from, he has night tremors (no), he has silent acid reflux (no), he has Candida in his stomach (don’t think so), and yet here we are still trying to figure it out.  I would like to think that my child has just been used to being catered.  See, right now we are living with my parents.  We sold our home in Glendale in August and have been in the process of finding a home and buying a home ever since.  We have found a home in Aliso Viejo that is a short sale.  But you see a short sale is really a long sale.  We have finally been told by the lenders that our offer is accepted, so now we are getting our loan together.  Where I’m going with this is that my child from 2.5 months has been schlepped and placed in crib, pack n play, crib, pack n play, to crib here at my parents home.  He has never had a feeling of security and comfort in a space.  As much as I love my mother, she coddles him (what Grandmother doesn’t) but when you live with her it’s constant.  Caleb just expects to be picked up rocked, fed, played with at all times.  Even at 3am.

Where does this leave me?  Sleeping about 4 hours a night and dealing with a 4 year old in the morning and a mother that keeps trying to tell me that my son is sick.  It’s so frustrating.  I’m angry, I’m tired, and I feel like God isn’t listening to me.  Prayers that come every night when I put him down to bed, prayers at 3 am with tears begging to help him sleep.  Prayers with my husband.  It’s even gotten to the point where my 4 years old prays at the dinner table ending with ‘and please let Caleb and Mommy sleep tonight.’

I know there is a silver lining soon with moving into our new home.  But in this moment right now, I feel so empty, the depression begins to creep up on me.  But I won’t let him get in.  I never want to go to spot in my life.

You see, I thought after all the difficulties with Soren, that somehow God would give us a break on Caleb.  I know it sounds foolish, but it was a hope and prayer that I had from the minute I found out I was pregnant.  I sit and try to wonder what purpose this fills for God.  Because all I see is a tired, cranky, smart talking, back talking bitch that is me.  I’m not the me I was 3 years ago, no, I hate who I am right now.  Forget the physical aspect.  I just hate the person I am.  I have no patience for anyone, I don’t want to talk to anyone because I don’t want to hear their advice for me.  I can’t even find a space to cry without someone asking me if I’m okay.

I know that I need to just keep my faith in God and know that His plans exceed mine.  But I need some sort of help here.  Something that will last.

Lord,Please help us.  Please allow us to find sleep and peace.  Please help Caleb find a solice and comfort in an object, help him know that his crib is a safe place.  Help relax and be calm.  Lord, help me!!  If I cannot have sleep then please give me strength.  Give me strength to be able to handle this living situation.  Lord, I don’t know if what is happening is a punishment or lesson, but I just need some sort of silver lining to help me get through this.

Please Lord I ask you, you say yourself that if we continue to pray that there must be answer at some point.  I keep knocking Lord, but I don’t see you answering.  Please answer.

In Jesus name,
Amen.

Search for the LORD and for his strength; continually seek him.  Psalm 105:4 (NLT)